The Amazing Escapades of Harry Potter and Friends
by KimberlySquared
Summary: Many shaking things happen during Harry Potter's, um, eighth year in Hogwarts. A Harry Potter/Twilight crossover story This happens pretty late in the story . DH and HBP disregarded and definite DHr. Crack!fic, but also pretty romantic.
1. Discovery

**Chapter 1: Discovery**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor do I own Twilight. I wish I did though. You probably don't.

"Hey Hermione, whatcha' doin'?" Ron asked.

"Reading." Hermione replied, adding a 'duh' softly.

"Whatcha' readin' then?" Ron asked.

"Twilight! It's amazing!" Hermione practically shouted out.

"Um, that Muggle book a lot of _Harry Potter_ fans read?"

"Uh-huh. I luh-v Edward Cullen! He is SO hot! Seriously!" Hermione gasped, out of breath, cheeks flushed.

"Um… sorry to break it to you, Hermione, but he's FICTIONAL…" Ron muttered.

"URGH! RON, YOU ARE SUCH A DREAM CRUSHER! BESIDES, WE'RE supposed to be FICTIONAL too!" Hermione huffed and strode away.

Harry picked up the book that Hermione had left on the table. He was glad he stayed out of the conversation. On the cover, it read:

'BREAKING DAWN

Stephenie Meyer'

"Breaking Dawn? Hmm, cute…" He said to no one in particular.

He opened the cover and saw a handwritten message:

'To My Dearest Hermione Granger,

You can be my Bella and I can be your Edward, living for eternity.

Yours forever,

Draco Malfoy

As he saw these words, Harry's eyes widened. "OH. EM. EFF. GEE."

"What?" Ron asked.

Harry's eyes hurriedly searched for something he could say. "Um, um, Jacob Black is like, so HAWT!" Harry made up as his eyes fell on the name. He had to lie, he couldn't just break his best friend's heart like this. Harry, after all, had always been a R/Hr shipper, not a dracomione weirdo. Now, he just had to find out who Jacob Black was.

"Right…" said Ron, turning away.

Harry would confront Hermione later and ask her about it. She would most definitely have a logical explanation for the message. She had a logical explanation for everything.

ooooooooooooooooo

Hermione stalked off, feeling annoyed at Ron. "Seriously! What's wrong with loving a fictional character? Edward is SO dreamy! Ron, on the other hand, is an IMMATURE, INSENSITIVE, RUDE, INTELLIGENTLY CHALLANGED DOOFUS! Draco is so much better! He's hawt, understanding and so… so _sensitive_!" She gushed.

Suddenly, she realized that she had left her book back there! OHFREAKINGSHIT! They're gonna' open the book and FIND OUT! GAH!!! NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW!

"Heya, love." Draco popped out of nowhere.

"Hey sweety pie cherrycakes," Hermione said, immediately forgetting all her worried. "What's up?"

"My spirits." Draco smiled. "Because I'm with you."

"Awww, you are so sweet!" Hermione grinned with pleasure.

"Don't I get a kiss for that?" Draco pouted.

"No, D, you don't!" Hermione stuck her tongue out at him.

"One day… one day I might just pull a Jacob and kiss ya. Don't say I didn't warn you!"

"I'd like to see you try! You're no werewolf! I can punch you without breaking my hand. In fact, I can punch your pretty teeth out of your thick skull!"

"Like in our 3rd year?" Draco suggested, grinning at the memory.

"Yep. You never did forgive me for that, did you?"

"Of course I did, sweetums! No one can hold a grudge with _you_!"

"You are so SWEET!"

Just then, Draco pulled Hermione into his arms and kissed her. A deep passionate kiss that would have made Emmett and Rosalie proud.

After what seemed like forever, they pulled apart. Neither said anything. They didn't have to. They walked into the setting sun and everything didn't matter anymore. In their world, all was well.

**Author's Note**: So, Uhm, this was actually written on paper. Just an F.Y.I.! Oh an REVIEWING would be nice. :) -HINTHINT-


	2. Confirmation

**Chapter 2: Confirmation**

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter's not mine. But Draco totally is.

Just kidding.

**Author's Note: **This one came up really quick because of the review! Thanks, by the way! And also, I forgot to tell you guys this in the first chapter. I'm copying everything we're writing from the pieces of paper we wrote it on previously. So there may be some references to pens and papers that will sound weird, but the other Kimberly told me I had to put them in. Haha. So, yeah. Enjoy reading!

It was almost noon the next day when Hermione finally woke up from her deep sleep. She rubbed her eyes groggily – walking into that sunset with Draco the day before had nearly blinded her.

"Hey, Herms." Parvati beamed from the next bed. "Is it weird that I just only thought of that nickname for you?! But, whatevs. Do you luh-v it?"

Hermione frowned. It was like she had woken up in a very bad Clique novel. "Um, Parvati? What happened to your British accent?"

Parvati shrugged. "Like, I woke up, and, like – "

"HERMIONE!"

"Dang, it's that dumbo Harry again." Hermione sighed. "Sorry, Parv, I have to go."

She dressed hastily then hurried down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room. Harry was standing at the bottom of the steps, his face red from yelling.

"What's up, Harry?" Hermione asked, using her 'Oh-Harry-your-scar-again?-I'm-so-concerned!' voice.

Harry sighed nervously. "Okay, see, I kind of found this note in your book yesterday – "

"Which book?"

"Um, the one you were reading yesterday?"

"Oh! The latest edition of Hogwarts: A History?"

"… no. Breaking Dawn."

Hermione's mouth dropped open. "No. Freaking. Way."

"Hermione, are you secretly dating Draco Malfoy?"

"I, uh – we just – he didn't – you – well, see – um, someone – I couldn't – YESDAMMITWEAREDATING!"

And with that, she fled.

ooooooooooooooooo

Tears blurred Hermione's vision as she stalked toward the wall that concealed the Room of Requirement. Harry wasn't supposed to find out about her and Draco – now he'd hate her forever.

She paced in front of the wall, muttering under her breath, "I need a place to get away from it all."

Just as the door appeared, she heard footsteps behind her and spun around, not wanting anyone to follow her into the room.

Draco grinned at her, but his smile disappeared at the sight of her miserable expression. "What's wrong?"

She rushed toward him and melted into his embrace, tears sliding down her cheeks. "Harry found out about us! What do we _do_?"

Draco frowned. "You could always Obliviate him."

Hermione glared at him. "I would never do that! The 'Obliviation' spell can have nasty side effects, you know."

Suddenly, they heard a high, squeaky voice from behind them. "Romeo, oh, Romeo! Where fort art thou, Romeo?"

Draco turned and stared. "I don't care about the side effects – I'm definitely Obliviating myself after this."

Ron was prancing around in the corridor wearing puffy red pants and a ruffly white shirt. He was holding a thick book and his voice alternated between high and low, depending on his line.

Hermione gasped. "He can _read_?"

Ron stopped prancing at the sound of her voice and turned red, his eyes widening. "Hermione!"

He glanced at Draco, and it was ten minutes before he registered what he was seeing. He gaped. "What's going on here?"

Hermione racked her brains for a logical explanation for being with Draco in a random hallway. "We were just, um, discussing our Head duties!"

Ron looked confused. "But you're not Heads."

"Damn!" Hermione muttered. Stupid fanfiction! It was seriously confusing her.

Draco sighed. "Okay, listen, Weasley. Granger and I are secretly dating. Don't tell anyone, or we'll tell everyone about your little Romeo and Juliet thing. Okay?"

Ron fainted.

**A/N:** And yes, that is a sort of cliffhanger. MUAHAHAHA! Kind of crack-y (or maybe not. But I tried!) specially for the Pawan. I guess you should do third chapter on the other side of this piece of paper. Otherwise it'd be wasting paper. =D

And I know. I kind of totally forgot about the Room of Requirement. But whatevs. =D


	3. This is why I date Draco in secret

**Chapter 3: [Jacob's chapter title time!] This is why I date Draco in secret.**

**Disclaimer: **I own Harry [and the] Potter[s] as much as Kimberly Wong owns Draco Malfoy. Which is to say that yes, we damn right own them! =D 'Cause we're cool like that! =D

"Oh damn, my head hurts – what happened?" Ron thought. Then he heard someone calling him.

"Wake up, gay face, WAKE UP!!" Harry punched Ron.

"F-[bleep]! What the BLOODY HELL?!" Ron shouted, eyes flying open. Ron was lying on his bed – it was already morning the next day. He sat up.

"Sorry, mate, I was getting a wee bit pissed with the trying to wake ye up."

"What's with the IRISH ACCENT?!"

"Um, if I remember correctly, you were R&J-ing yesterday so keep ye big mouth shut about me accent – blame Parv-y Parv."

"Right… anyways, where's Her – " He was cut off by a stream of memories of what had happened yesterday. "Merrrrrr." Spit was flowing out of Ron's mouth – he had entered a daze.

"Shit, Romeo, stop zoning out like that, you're scaring me!" With every word, Harry slapped Ron hard on the face.

Recovering from his daze, Ron asked, "Where's Hermione?!"

"Um. Library, maybe?"

"Thanks." With that, Ron got up and ran straight into the doorframe. "Ouch." He mumbled. He fainted. Again.

"Oh shit, why do I even BOTHER?!" Harry sighed and dragged Ron's unconscious body to the Hospital Wing.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hermione was highly irritated.

Irritated by a disgustingly annoying fly by the name of Parvati Patil.

"So, Herms. Since when have you been dating that Slytherin hottie?" and "Woooo… Draco and Hermione. You guys look so kuh-yute together!", the questions and comments came up about – oh say, every 5 seconds.

It drove Hermione insane.

"My dearest Parvati," She said in a high would-be casual voice. "If you – um, would you like a pretzel?"

She offered a plate of pretzels to Parv-Parv.

"Um, sure Herms!" Parv-Parv took a piece and ate it – then, she choked. Her face turned blue.

"AND THAT, PATIL, IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BUSYBODY!" She smiled. "And for calling me Percy's owl."

She stalked away, a vampire smile on her lips.

**Author's Note:** I stole this pen. Now I am a leper. Fear me. I am calm and bad spelling. Pawan.

(**Note from other author:** I have no idea what she's talking about.)


	4. It's not like I liked her, anyway

**Chapter 4: It's not like I liked her, anyway.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. SRSLY. Even the pen I'm using (Charis') and this piece of paper (Kim Lai's) aren't mine.

Yeah, I know. I'm pathetic. =D

"Oh em gee, Professor DUMBLEDORE! Like, Herms tried to, like, kill me!" Parvati wailed, bursting into the Headmaster's office.

Professor Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes twinkling in their usual annoying way. "One must wait if one wants beautiful presentation."

"Huh?" Parvati wrinkled her nose. "I don't, like, get you."

"Grasshoppers only grow through snot cocoons."

"I still don't get it!" Parvati pouted.

Professor Dumbledore sighed impatiently. "Like, tell her to like, stop being such a betch!"

Parvati beamed. "Ohhh! Thanks, Prof Dumb! Um, I mean, Professor Dumbledore."

She sashayed out of the room, and Professor Dumbledore leapt up as soon as she'd shut the door behind her. "NAKED TIME!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Hermione! Oi, Hermione! I got something to tell you lah!"

Shocked by the strange accent, Hermione spun around, coming face-to-face with Neville. "Neville! Did you just call me?"

"Duh." Neville panted, out of breath. "Guess what? I heard that Par-vah-dee was going to kill you lor! So scary, man."

Hermione was alarmed. "Parvati?"

"Ya, that's what I said, right?" Neville looked horrified by his own accent. "She damn fierce lah! I have to go look for my pawan, Kimberly Lai. Bye!"

Hermione sighed. Parvati was so annoying. And Neville was so weird.

Just then, Draco walked up to her. "Hey. What's going on?"

Hermione shrugged. "Nothing much. Parvati's gone mental and wants to kill me, Neville has a strange new accent, and someone named Kimberly Lai is a 'pawan' or something."

Draco thought it over, then beamed. "Wanna' make out?"

"Okay."

And they spent the rest of the day (and most of the night) making out, among other things, in a broom closet.

**Author's Note:** Okay. That's it for chapter 4. Until next time! =D

BTW, pawan = grapes.

Or so we say.


End file.
